PATH NOT JADED (character monologue to Marigold)

Oh, Mariold! What an inconvience it must be to have to watch what you say
but such is the burden of living with the sensetive...
for the words you speak-- why should they be less then the truth?
Even if they are rude? Insulting? if they lack tact and fact... and...

and I've been here so many times in my mind
I know what I need to do 
to keep myself from being drowned from this- from you
it's what I always do. walk away, girl. shake it off. 
ignore what you say
for it's not even about me and the words 
their meaning. no I am good. 
it's all about you. 
and this incessant need to always have the last word
this incessant need to always remain in the "power"
it's just this deep-seated routine
you are barely even conscious of
not to mention the motivation behind it all and blah blah blah

but if I was your employer - would you dare to put me down?
and if I was your acquaintance- a stranger- No doubt, you'd show me more respect?
and if I was your friend- Would you? Oh, of course not.
no, how fortunate that you save all this for me

and I know you're not listening to this 
I can sense it... the coming of your defensiveness
That somehow makes you deaf to the words that I dare to say
While you plan your counter attack.
For how foolish of I to insinuate that you could do wrong
For you did nothing wrong. No...
No, It is me. I.. I am me. I am too sensitive
my feelings are never justified-- why should they be?
how could they be?

More toughness! That is what I need
you needn't walk on eggshells around me
for that...that might injure your feet
and who am I to limit your freedom of speech

but who are you, Marigold to put me down
who are you -- do you even know
how can you be and yet so unaware--- of my feelings
how you can be and yet so unaware--- of these patterns
these patterns, perfected and passed on
from your mother's mother to your mother
and to your mother to you
How odd for you never wanted to be this way or so you say
How odd that you have become the one thing you despise. 

Silence.  It's time for your response. 
shall you choose indifference and ignore me for the night?
or reach into your bag of tricks- follow the script- predictable
will it be the "Oh I'm such a horrible person I don't know how you put up with me?" 
(all in hopes, that I will reply)
"Oh no, you are not a horrible person, you just need to be more aware"
"Oh I will. I will." You say, "I will be more aware and I am sorry."
Or shall we try the old "I've done and given you a lot of good things" approach 
therefore I should be thankful. Therefore canceling out my right to complain, 
for yes, there have been things you've done for me
but that does not give you the right
to treat me so poorly
simply because you are exhausted
simply because you've had a bad day.
Simply because you're feeling rather insecure

and so you ask  
Would I rather you be less then honesty?
right on cue, you have yet to hear a word I have said. 
For all that I say... it... it can not be
No, because that would mean you'd have to look at yourself
and heaven knows you might not like what you see.

Hey! No worries, Marigold- don't look at me
I'm gone. I'm walkin' it off. I'm shaking it off
I'm writing poems about this as we speak
But note : I could beat you down with my verse
pick pick pick at your insecurities- till you feel small and weak
I could have the last word
but I am not that absurd 
I will never be so blind to feed the fire so high it devours
I will never be so unaware of myself- like you, Marigold   
whose lost herself to these cycled patterns and games
for if I am not true to myself, I have no one else to blame.