END OF THE MOMENT (last edited: 4/10/00)

Yes. I am me. I am here. I am glowing
Brimming with tranquility! 
Life! Vigor! 
My salvation! My relief. 
Proud! For my attempts to understand this mess shall cease
what for when in vain?

I see it now- 
For my insight delves far beyond the confusion and surface
The lover I once knew is now just some cliched stranger
now that we are through 
you are cold- scrambling for distance -- 
How clever... protecting yourself with some too cool to care facade.
I see the psychology that lurks behind that transparent facade,
but... well if that's how you have to be
Then that's how you have to be

But understand
that that's not me- 
No. I am me. I am here. 
Glowing - I am craving warmth
Craving affection- like a drug
Dying for more, because
I feel there is more
I know there is more 
I am not ashamed to admit that there is more 
But more is not an option
I have to let it go...

Yes, I've been here... feeling 
as if I am being denied what is mine 
your affection ... To go from warmth to zero in little time
infected ... It all feels so unjustified 
your actions - unjustified
Unsettling for all I wanted was a little justice..a little peace
But ... that can not be
And so... breathing 

I am aware 
that there is no point in caring 
for a person who can not care 
for you -- or used to care but cares no more
or maybe still cares but can not show it... 
There is no point.
unless you don't mind being flat and drained
Tell me where's the fun in that?
Tell me
No bother... I mind

and so it's time 
to stop trying
to make sense of .. this 
Where did we go wrong?! Does it matter? It's over. 
What for when all attempts to decipher 
All attempts of anal interpretation 
in fits of admitted desperation 
It won't bring it back
What we lost- I can't bring it back
and if i could, would I really want to?

Ha! desperately scrambling for us to be at ease.
the way I felt we could
the way I felt we should 
that only this could deliver the feeling of closure
for that is what I seek!
that only this could deliver the feeling of peace

But I see it now... 
I feel it, the answer brimming within me
I don't need us to be friends,
nor to agree, in order to have closure-- it's over. and it's okay.  

and to think, all that I craved from you was in me the whole time
Yes. It is I, that spews closure and resolution, now that I am without you. 
smile, it's the end of the moment.