LEAVING THIS STATE OF LOVER

My bags are packed
the car is running
i'm leaving this state of lover

This place is far too preoccupied with the final destination
everyone rushes through the journey- rarely kissing
missing the moment
at lightning speed
well, this is not my niche
this is not my thing. 

lovers willing when I am sleeping 
with gold plated gaul- waking me 
like lawyers, making their plea 
it pisses me off. they're pissing me off. 
leave me be
I rather sleep 
then take part in these faux attempts at intimacy 

i'd gladly compose manuals and draw them maps- verbal guidance 
but the bedroom is not the only place this state lacks
so it would only be treating the symptom
meanwhile neglecting the system's disease

Not enough and walls and lately indifference, is what I recieve. 
lacking substance. filled with neglect.
have you taken for granted the idea that i would always be
there. I am holding myself back and for what?
I hold my words back and for what?

When I think upon those moments of peace
and when they occur, I am pleased
but they have since become far and few between 
and I am losing paitence -  we are just out of sync

but you know...It's okay.
for I do not regret this experience
for it lead me to this point and now I see
with eyes wide and open 
it's "intimacy" but for the wrong reasons
they do not share the same reasons as I
they desire but in the name of escape  
from the world they seem to hate
from all that troubles them in the moment
it's sex but it smells desperate- 
it's touch but really just attempts to fill those temporary gaps within
an attempt to smother what hurts and scars you've been given, State.

it doesn't turn me on
and furthermore
that is not what I am here for
That is not why I am on this earth! 

and so I leave you now.
Thanking you for this lesson
thanking you for the dance
this knowledge I have gained
I feel no shame for embarking on the road trip that tripped me.
I leave you now- be well, for I know that is only what you meant. 
and I drive off into to the sunset - 
to the country of 
the larger journey.