Transition Is A Funny Beast 

Tonight
with the full moon up in that sky
and my skin - glowing within- I will be beautiful. I will FEEL beautiful
I will travel great distance
to take part in this celebration
with all the wiccans and athiests and old friends from college
and complete strangers I shall meet 
and their breath shall reek from too many beers and hard liquor and cigarettes and herbal tea
and we all shall laugh and speak - loudly! HA!

and when we all fall sleep 
connected and content and giddy - beautiful as only friends can be.
packed happily like sardines upon the carpets and couches
I will be at peace. 
the room 
will be 
at peace. 

or perhaps we shall stay up all night - waiting for that sunrise - 
the 
simple 
quiet 
beauty 
of the sunrise 
ah... the beauty of morning - 
the beauty of the faces of these friends and strangers 
that chose to slumber and now are dreaming- comically snoring
the quiet beauty of the wet and empty streets. birds flying. speaking. 

...
or maybe I will sit in the corner on some stylish but highly uncomfortable chair
and observe the crowds like a gentry
and with watchful eyes- make silent remarks about this micro-society
this social scene - to myself. 
clever and witty comments that I shall squeeze into some future verse
that I shall slide into some future conversation
when the topic of sitting in the corner by yourself at a party comes up.

No doubt, I will find fleeting pleasure in being the secret photographer
catching candid moments with my camera
the soul that no one will notice
except for those moments when blinded by my flash

Why did I came here?! 
maybe everyone in this room hates me
maybe everyone in this room loves me
I...I don't know.. I just feel this overwhelming urge to leave this scene and go home
...

breathe.
no, don't think like that. why would it be like that? 

and so I shall stuff my blankets and clothing and food in the fat trunk of my car
and I will ride route 84 in the daylight
and arrive in providence by moonlight
and I will smile at... something...
I WILL smile.. I will..

Transition is a funny beast
people leaving... situations changing... rather unexpectedly - it seems i've lost my footing
and I don't know what is mine anymore. 
what and who I can and should count on
and what and who I should just smile and say goodbye to- for they have already left

Deep breath. My lungs will take in that winter breeze
and in my car I will sing - loudly
and I will go to the party 
and dance and laugh 
and revel in the beauty of laughter
the beauty of old friends and strangers 
as we celebrate this could-be glorious and yet ordinary friday night
This night could be of beauty...
I.. I.. could be of beauty
if I just let it be.