Michael 

Michael,
It's time I tell you
what has been on my mind

I feel.
I know. shocking.
it's true, though
Yes, I am more then ha ha ha ha
and lets just laugh at the absurdity of all situations
even when I don't find them very funny. 
I now say whats on my mind
even if it's not sunny and clever

We met at a time 
when I was drawn to intensity
there was some part of me
that found chaos and drama thrilling and dangerous
and so I seeked out the souls who lived on the edge
not quite looney per say
but just enough quirk for them to appear exciting and sexy
brillant and fascinating
I would just stand back and watch them like some experiment
that is until I got sucked in by their energy
and fascination became attraction
and attraction to fascination 
till it was just one big blur- and I couldn't tell the difference
and it was something I just had to have and so you were 
and I found you very exciting 

We met at a time
when I thought "how clever of I
to not let them see all of me
that if I died the next day leaving only a letter written with disdain
they would be shocked and sit around some old coffee table
pondering to each other 'did we really truly know her?' and they would realize 'no.'" 
- speculation and/or silence to follow
"Oh, the brillant irony" I would exclaim, 
never really knowing if irony was the right word to use!
besides who was I to burden someone else with my sometimes heavy thoughts?
No, and so I kept those sides to myself only revealing them in my art, like a fool. 
and so did you and we called each other soulmates because that too was exciting.
and we were.

and because of these common philisophical foundations
we clicked dangerously and cleverly and destructivly and wonderfully
at a time when I thought you were the best
and you were out of who I had met
we were friends we were lovers we were in love 
We. we were weird and wonderfully different 
and we wore our strangeness proudly like a badge
going out of our way to freak out the normal people in public
and we'd laugh because it was so damn easy to do. 

Oh. but now is the present
I'm not the same woman that you have touched
perhaps not even the same woman you have loved

the power we used to think was power, I don't see it as "power" anymore.
just another cloak for that fear of getting too deep
we used to claim to be naked, but how could we claim that when
there was always some thought that we chose to conceal
Michael, It's been a long long time since I wore that laughing mask of "clever"
Yes, I burned that stupid masquerade when I realized the joke was on me.

Michael, I feel.
I know. shocking.
but it's true

These days it seems your impossible to reach
it's phone tag and emails filled with ha ha and small talk 
and so I write this poem 
to let you know
this is who I am and I will be nothing less
and to ask: do you think this friendship can 
shift and reshape itself to fit these changes
or stubborn, will our friendship be 
just another old yearbook or photo album on the shelf
that we take out to read and laugh at the old times- the glory days
but only in the name of nolstalgia.